Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Having a Blue Christmas

this holiday season is bitter sweet.
it is going to be a blue Christmas.

it is my official first year as a separated woman (no, the divorce is not final. . . soon? i can always hope).
it is also my first year not having my kids for Christmas. . . the "ex" gets all the kiddos for both Christmas Eve and Christmas. :(

we are totally making the best of it and the kids are very excited
(what kid wouldn't want two Christmas'???). . . but it is not the same, especially for them.
kids want their parents to be together and their is no other time more important for family then the holidays and i can sense it in my children.
they are happy but it is different when your family dynamic is not a whole unit all the time.

although my immediate family and I have made herculean efforts to minimize the feelings of separation for them (and if i am being honest, us) it is going to be a hard week.

we did have an "early" Christmas Eve and Christmas day this past weekend and i have to admit that it was one of the best Christmas' that i can remember.
the kids were in heaven, pure heaven. Santa sent them an incredible letter and explained that due to their new homes he was making a special trip to visit them at both places. i can't describe the joy the kids radiated. they felt so special. they are. it was an experience i will never forget.
i remember indiana exclaiming. . . "mom! the letter even smells like the North Pole!"
talk about melting hearts.

i will focus on that this week. i know my kids love me and i know i love them.
i love them more than anything. i would do anything for them.
i guess Christmas is really a state of mind.
it doesn't matter the day. . . Christmas is what we make of it.


Terese said...

I'm sorry you don't get the kids on Christmas. I hope you get many many blessings in 2012 (and this last part of 2011:)

Candace said...

I absolutely loved this post. Not having the blue Christmas part. But, I can feel your love and understanding for your children. Just through your words and it is something beautiful. I know it's not the Christmas you want, but I hope it is still Merry all the same! (I'm glad that you're posting again!)